Remembering...

I remember one night, feeling absolutely overcome with fear. I was alone on the compound except for the guard, and the reality of evil and darkness felt too close. I played Kristene Mueller's "Praise the Lord" over and over and over again until I finally didn't feel afraid anymore.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of the death horn. There, whenever someone died in the community, a person would walk the streets blowing a trumpet and yelling the name of the person that had just passed.

I remember watching my neighbors wail over the dead body of their young son. A man carried the boy, wrapped in a sheet, back and forth in front of the family. The mother just screamed and screamed and screamed.

I can't keep these memories away. I rejoice that God gave me Africa. I praise Him because of what I've seen--not because it was always joyful, but because I gained perspective. I can't forget it. I won't forget it.

My first encounter with Andrew Murray

I am FINALLY reading Andrew Murray's Abide in Christ thanks to my beloved friend and devoted follower, Sarah Edmundson. Read this tonight:

"Who would, after seeking the King's palace, be content to stand in the door, when he is invited in to dwell in the King's presence, and share with Him in all glory of His royal life? Oh, let us enter in and abide, and enjoy to the full all the rich supply His wondrous love hath prepared for us!"

I'm reminded that fellowship with Christ, our Savior, shouldn't be determined by circumstance; it should be a moment by moment awareness of His presence.

Confession

I've been cranky and ungrateful. Much like an Israelite, I have forgotten the Father's beautiful and perfect provision for my life. God forgive me.

"Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today, lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, who led you though the great and terrifying wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end." Deuteronomy 8:11-16

Contentment in Him grows with each new day, and I know that He is good.

Latter Days

I started a new job this week. Today I'm off, and I'm grateful for the time to sleep-in, read, and leisurely drink my coffee, but when I'm not busy, my mind begins to reel on things I manage to forget when there are tasks to complete. This place is not where I thought I'd be. I had to say goodbye to Louisville all over again and some days it breaks me in two. Especially when I insist on playing Over the Rhine songs over and over and over. That, of course, never helps.

The Art of Losing

I have been in the process of saying farewell to a people and a place that I love, and I sense that more loss is fast approaching. All that to say, Elizabeth Bishop's poem "One Art" (one of my favorites) keeps coming to mind. The parenthetical thoughts add authenticity to the speaker's voice:

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.


--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Elizabeth Bishop, The Complete Poems 1927-1979

Feelin' sad today.
Dwelling on this Scripture, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28

You guessed it--More Pictures!

Friends!




Baby Birds. Chirp.




My first piece of Mickie Winters' art work!

Revisiting

Before I left Africa, my supervisor called Ethiopia a trunk that I could open and revisit from time to time as a reminder of the year I had spent there. He warned against living in that trunk. I did ask if it were okay to hide inside that trunk on occasion. "Of course," he said. Well, today is one of those times. I want to forget all about America and all the decisions I'm supposed to be making. Opening the lid. Crawling inside.

Some pictures that make me happy.

I'm a stranger in two countries. :(

A Long-Awaited Return

I haven't been able to access this blog, or any blog for that matter, for over a year and I'm finally back! It feels good.

Currently, my family and I are vacationing along the West Coast of California. We started out a bit inland at beautiful Lake Tahoe, stayed a night in Yosemite National Park, moved on to Monterey where I fell in love with the care-free seals, and have finally landed in the diverse city of San Francisco. Oh, and I almost forgot a small one hour stop at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk, a place where many of my friends have worked through the years. Tomorrow's our last day of exploring before we head back to good old Kentucky, and I'm hoping to run across some fun antique or book stores while we traverse Chinatown and other parts of the city. I could comment more extensively on the views and landscapes that we've encountered along the way, but I think the following pictures will say quite enough. Enjoy. Many posts to follow!

Leaving

I can't wait to be here:

But...I will dearly miss this city and my beloved sisters. Forget me not, Louisville, KY. :)

"Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like the precious oil on the head running down the beard, on the beard of Aaron, running down on the collar of his robes! It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion! For there the Lord has commanded the blessing, life forevermore." --Psalm 133

The Land of Waiting

"April is the cruellest month, breeding

lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

memory and desire, stirring

dull roots with spring rain."

--T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land: "The Burial of the Dead"

As I wait, anxiously, to plant my feet on the soil of a new home, I feel the cruellest weight of things known and unknown. Africa, a seed, has been planted and watered, and I'm ready for the ground to break-- for the roots to make themselves at home in my heart. But, with this new beginning, also comes the shedding of most things familiar and comfortable. I feel exhausted with the approaching reality of separation and the near fulfillment of a much-anticipated desire.

Found This Today...

As most of you know, volcanic ash delayed my traveling plans, thus I have a butt load of free time on my hands. Several months ago, this random guy took some pictures at a local coffee shop and posted them on a blog that details some pretty incredible smiles. I finally found it!

In our defense, we were purposely trying to cringe:

Smile Like You're Dead Inside

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Brevity

I'm reading Strunk and White's The Elements of Style to freshen up on my writing/usage rules and skills. This passage was nice:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer makes all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

Easier said than done, Strunk and White.

Not Just Another Tuesday

1.Morning Prayer
2.Breakfast with Sojourn comrades complete with Pancake Puppies and theology
3.Shots
4.Trip to North Vernon with B.
5.Late lunch with B.'s mom
6.Drive back to L-ville
7.Lots of Gillian Welch
8.Traffic
9.Nap
10.Community Group
11.Beauty and The Beast with Patty

This is pretty...

Spaces

One month to go...
I'm a small glass, and water is spilling over the rim.
So much left to do.
Oh God, help me.

A Few Things

1. I'm moving to Africa.
2. Sometimes I'm numb to that fact.
3. I am overwhelmed all the time.
4. The Lord is faithful whether I believe it or not.

Revamp!