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Aghgghghgh!
Frustrated.

We measure our minutes in peppermints
and pencil shavings.



"You can only be a pirate if you have a patch and a parrot perched upon your shoulder."

Thoughts on captivity

Sometimes I feel like a polar bear in a Florida zoo--out of place and misunderstood.




Extended thought not really related to the first: Maybe Christians are like polar bears born in zoos. (Of course all metaphors can fall apart at some point, but bear [bear! ha] with me). We are not of this world. We long for our true home, heaven.

Yes. Captive polar bears long for snow, ice and freezing water--things for which they were born to experience and Christians long for the Father and completion in His presence. This is assuming, of course, that my suppositions on the thoughts and longings of polar bears are correct. Maybe all humans, in our fallenness, are born with a sense of lack or longing? Maybe some just refuse to acknowledge it??

The other day I was having a conversation with God in the car and I was like, "God I need you more than air." And then my brain was like, "Lacey, do you really need God more than air? Really? I mean without air you die." Then I thought or God inspired, "Yes, of course you need air, Lacey, but who gives you that air? God. Bam. And God can take away that air at any time. And then when there's no air, there's death and what do you need not only in life, but most certainly in death? God, of course." So needless to say, God is the end all of all things. Thus, everyone needs him more than air, more than bread, more than anything else that seems overbearingly important at times. God trumps all my cards.

don't you like when you're fleeing?

I'm a bit blue today and I don't know why.
Being down also makes me feel guilty for not being happy.
And that,
just makes things worse.
:(

I was born to ramble

I was suprised by joy the other day when I snagged a hard-back copy of They Stand Together: The Letters of C.S. Lewis to Arthur Greeves at a cute little bookstore for five bucks. Lewis wrote this poem in memory of Greeves:

"That we may mark with wonder and chaste dread
At hour of noon, when, with our limbs outspread
Lazily in the whispering grass, we lie
to gaze out fully upon the windy sky--
Far, far away, and kindly, friend with friend,
To talk the old, old talk that has no end,
Roaming--without a name--without a chart--
The unknown garden of another's heart."

:)

Not the best poetry in the world, but I've felt especially blessed by friendship and comradery these past few weeks. So, this poem kind of hits home.

I also read a bumber sticker today on the back of a van that stated, "Somedays I just want to be a missing person." I can sympathize with that lately. Sometimes I get this sudden urge to run away from the impending uncertainty of my future. (I just imagined some lady throwing her hand to her forehead and fainting). I need to stop being so dramatic. God in is control. God is sovereign. God is good. God knows the plans He has for me. Fret not. Faint not. Oh dear.

We celebrated Pa Doug's (my dad's dad) birthday today. He turned 82 and he goes non-stop all the time. Literally, we had to meet early for dinner because Pa Doug had been invited to play at this bluegrass get-together thingy. I love it. I really hope if God chooses to bless me with old age that I'll be as energetic and full of life as he is.

All Things New or All Things Old...

I had forgotten how much I love simple homeade sandwiches. Today I hung out with Cody and we made turkey sandwiches for lunch with fresh cut tomatoes and lettuce. He also shared his spicy barbecue chips and slightly frozen key lime pie. Yum. Cheap, fast, good. It also made me think of Sunday summer afternoons with my family. We'd leave church, run to the grocery, buy fresh bread, chips, and cookies and sit around the table for over an hour sometimes just munching and talking. Makes me miss my brother and who he used to be and reminds me that everyone and everything is changing. Dare I say I'm feeling nostalgic?

Spring break is at hand and I feel like it's simultaneously going slow and fast at the same time. If I'm completely honest, I'm restless, bored, and un-motivated. Why didn't I plan to travel somewhere? I wish I could just pack my suitcase, right now, and go somewhere far, far away from here. I mean far. I've been playing Over the Rhine's "Suitcase." The lyrics don't really match what I'm feeling, but they make me think about leaving nonetheless...."What'cha doin' with a suitcase? Trying to hit the ground with both feet running...? Stealing away on a sunny day." Hmmmmmm. Anywhere but here.

It's been a year since I've watched the Beatrix Potter movie and I'm fighting a big urge to buy it and watch it again.

I watched Changeling last night with a new friend from work and I liked it. It was about three hours long and I wanted to scream out of frustration the whole time, but it was powerful and had a lot to say about women's rights and struggles in the twenty's and the corruption of the law enforcement system at the time.

I met with the jail book club tonight. One woman broke down right there in the room. :( Everytime I leave those grey walls and locked doors I breathe a little deeper remembering what it means to be free to choose what I eat, where I go, when I wake up every morning. There are some major inequality issues between men and women in some prisons/jails. I'm thinking of ways I can help to change it.

Nana sliced three of my fingers today. jerk.

all things considered

Buffy, our family dog of fifteen years, may be on the down hill slope of health. As of yesterday, she couldn't move the lower part of her body and she's been rather fragile the past year or so anyway. Almost two years ago Buffy lost one of her front legs to a tumor earning her the infamous nicknames "Tripod" and "I-Lean." She struggles with arthritis and is almost completely blind and deaf. It breaks my heart, but I know she's an old dog and she's had a good life.

Phrases from the past week that I don't want to forget:

"For the love of the flu."
"I am the soil."
"Eeep."
"I got my swim trunks. I got my flippy floppies."

Hmm.

By Friday the 20th I will have read over 250 student submissions or at least that's the plan. If I succeed, I'll automatically be an editor for the school publication, Zephyrus.

Last year at this time, I was in L.A. with Miss B; this fact depresses me slightly.

God is good. I am not. That is all.