I go to war with myself every morning.

and no, that is not a completely orginal idea.

I felt like I could relate to these lyrics by Lisa Hannigan in her song "Lille"--

"He went to sea for the day
He wanted to know
What to say
When he's asked what he'd done
In the past to someone
That he loves endlessly
Now she's gone
So is he

I went to war every morning
I lost my way but now I'm following
What you said in my arms
What I read in the charms
That I love durably
Now it's dead and gone
And I am free

I went to sleep for the daytime
I shut my eyes to the sunshine
Turned my head away from the noise
Bruise and drip decay of childish toys
That I loved arguably
All our labouring gone to seed

We went out to play for the evening
We wanted to hold on to the feeling
And the stretch in the sun
And our breathlessness as we run
To the beach endlessly
As the sun creeps up on the sea."

I feel really discouraged and encouraged by a lot lately. It makes for an odd tension.

honey-child

Warning: This post is bit lengthy and cheesy. You may want to spare yourself.

Today was exceptionally interesting.

At church I helped with the kids in the nursery. Okay, let's backtrack a bit. I have a cousin named Gracie. She was born a day after my birthday on April 24th. I babysat her once and she hated me...hated me. Oddly enough, she has absolutely adored me ever since. So, in the nursery today I helped the kids, including Gracie, draw houses, stairs, trees, chimneys, slides and grass. They begged me to draw things for them, but I told them to watch me and try things on their own. Here's my attempt:



Needless to say, I greatly miss coloring and cutting out things from construction paper. Here's Gracie's attempt at a swimming pool with a slide which she insisted on stapling to the picture of my house. I told her the pool should have fish which she added and then drew large dashes all around the water, and said, "this red is the really hot." Oh, kids.



Gracie also colored this:



I enjoy children, but sometimes I don't censor myself well. For example, today one girl kept peeling the wrapper off of the crayons and I said something to the effect of we shouldn't take the clothes off the crayons because then they're naked and that's no good. Absoloutely a terrible thing to say to a group of five and six year olds. After that, another girl proceeded to tell me about the time her crayons were naked, and I really think that they're all going to go home and tell their parents about how we tried to keep the clothes on the crayons. The church may never trust me with the kids again. I guess I could have tried to make it biblical and referenced Adam and Eve in some way. Maybe not. Ahah.

On another note, I watched Coraline with a group of friends this weekend, and I liked it, quite a bit.

Also, I feel like a cat mom. I know that taking care of kids and taking care of pets are two totally different things, but when people come over, I really just talk about the cat. I also take lots of picture of her. I feed her, clean up after her, try to teach her things...and so on. I always knew I was a crazy cat lady I just never thought it would happen so soon. Thus the following:





So Lent is approaching and I really want to fast from something. What that something should be is not quite clear yet.

I'm helping with a Disciple-Now this weekend and I'm really worried. I stress out way too much over things like this. Today I started reading through the material and got really confused and angry/frustrated. I don't think I agree with what the author is saying about evangelism and it scares me because I don't know if my convictions are right or just plain cynical. Oh well, maybe I'll blog about the specifics later.

I think that's all.

"always and nevermind..."

I'm currently intrigued by the work of Andrew Wyeth. I spotted his book/autobiography on a clearance shelf in Barnes and Noble the other day (which is kind of sad because i recently discoverd that he died on January 19th) and gained a new respect for his work. I say, "new" because I disliked his most famous work, "Christina's World." His use of color catches me off guard, sometimes. Like in my favorite piece below:




Titled "Garret Room," this picture voices an intimacy that really places the viewer close to the subject, but not so near that he or she is uncomfortable. What I mean is, here's an elderly man, alone, supposedly, in the middle of the day, napping completely exposed except for his clothes. I'm struck by the dazzling colors in the quilt and the splash of blue on the wall. Beautiful.

Another interesting thing I've noticed about Wyeth's work is that despite the seemingly realistic nature of his subjects, he often exaggerates. In a brief commentary on "Garret Room" he writes, "I guess the length of the figure is exaggerated, although he was tall." I like it.

Here are a few other favorites:

The first one, "Squalls" shows no acutal physical sign of his wife, but he's says her presence is there, nonetheless. And the second one, "Thin as Vanity" simply stands out to me for some reason.

Anyway, a lot happened this week. There were ups and downs and in-betweens, but most all God was there showing me grace in the midst of chaos.

I bought some old postcards and photographs today at an antique store. Maybe they'll serve as creative muses? Old things hide stories you know. The coolest part is that I came across a pack full of old negatives and I think they can probably be developed...I'm not for sure, but my scanner does make them look kind of cool (maybe a little creepy):

Songs I can't get out of my head as of late:

Fruit Bats--"When U Love Somebody"
Third Eye Blind--"Red Summer Sun"
Johnny Flynn--"Tickle Me Pink"
Rilo Kiley--"Close Call"
Rihanna--"Rehab" (terrible lyrics, wonderful beat)
Over the Rhine--"If Nothing Else"
Radiohead--"Videotape"

Books I'm reading:

Harry Potter IV: The Goblet of Fire
Water for Elephants
The Year of Magical Thinking

letting go...

"makin' my way back to the state line where I left you..."

Aprons! Our basic apparel construction class started making aprons today. I'm "sew" excited. Bahahaha. The pattern of my fabric says, "I'm serious about baking pies," in a loud sort of grandmother way, if that makes sense.

nana bear is nestled on the couch beside me...:)

letters billow from the page...

...like a wind through the leaves
or under the door.

words i like lately:
champagne, marmalade, bobbin, tether.

i thought the other night that when I get old I would like to grow oranges in a yard behind a little house by the sea.

i don't know much about the world. I feel naive (in the initial post i misspelled naive, how appropriately ironic) and ignorant. I walked by an exhibit of Malaysia in the photojournalism department last week and the pictures almost made me cry not because they were sad but because i don't know those people or anything about them.

here are some pictures while you wait...










you know that feeling when you're riding in a car and the sun is setting and you don't have a camera...that's what i feel like when i think of love.

i read exodus four the other day and was extremely confused.

I'm contemplating a return to this site, but I'm not completely convinced as of yet. Xanga gets a bit annoying with the adds and silly little characters jumping about the page. Simplicity is nicer, I think--I know.