blowin' smoke

i know, i know. twice in the same day.
i'm feeling sad. just plain sad.
sentimental?
nostalgic?
sad.
sometimes my mind just thinks and twists and turns and still can't figure out life, i mean....life.
what is life?
life.
life.
I just say it over and over again in my head and it makes no sense but makes perfect sense all at the same time...and then there's God..in the middle of everything--in the middle of life....at the center.
my heart aches...ya' know.
i'm thinkin about all the people i never really got a chance to know.
i feel like i've only touched my feet to the water of life...to some people....
i take no risks.
what would happen if i actually stepped out into the unknown?
i play it safe.
and i hate it.
i hate regret.
i regret not living this life enough.
how do i begin?
how does it end?
i want to burrow deep beneath the surface of people...ya' know?
really get to know their hearts.
i see my beautiful friends and sometimes i feel like i don't even know them...

i want something to change.

God has promised joy and life everlasting.
what a beautiful thing.

"What a haven of rest to enter, after having passed through the storms and tempests of this world,in which pride, and selfishness, and envy, and malice, and scorn, and contempt,and contention, and vice, are as waves of a restless ocean, always rolling, and often dashed about in violence and fury! What a Canaan of rest to come to, after going through this waste and howling wilderness, full of snares, and pitfalls, and poisonous sepents, where no rest could be found!" (Edwards).

i still can't get enough of brandi carlile....ummm.