Argued with my mother again about moving. Not pleasant.

This is funny:







For sewing class today we met at Hancock Fabrics and our professor helped us select patterns for our final project. I'm making a dress and a pencil skirt...and praying I don't kill the sewing machine in the process. Sometimes that damn contraption feels like a dirty villian that's winding my soul around a spool...And I want to SCREAM! But, I mustn't do that because then sweet Mrs. Carrico would glide swiftly to my station and remind me that mistakes teach us patience and that sewing is all about the experience. Bah! Sewing was bliss for awhile and suddenly, out of nowhere, it wasn't so splendid anymore. On a brighter note, I am making progress on the kid pajamas. It was nice not to be behind the whole time. Anyway, here are my patterns. Despite my obvious disdain, I am a bit excited:





Sarah, I might need help. I'm scared. hmmm.

Okay, so big deal. Today I was thinking in my car (I do a lot of thinking in there) that I want to be used by God so bad. I mean, I really want to have spiritual conversations with people and Bam! like that, it happened. This afternoon when I got home I noticed Rondell on his front porch swing and I always walk over to say hi. At first it was the usual "How's college?" "How's life?" ordeal, but out of nowhere he started talking to me about "The Secret." Of course I'm thinking, "What the crap is 'The Secret?'" Well, evidently Oprah has "The Secret," and Rondell of course has "The Secret." Turns out "The Secret" is like a Prosperity Gospel of some sort. He was saying that he pictures things in his mind that he wants like parking places or the new cabin that he and his wife are building and those things happen. I didn't know what to say. (Okay let me disclaim the first part of this post when I say I was thinking in my car that I wanted to be used by God and Bam it happened. I am not referring to the same thing. I am petitioning God within his will. I'm not just saying "God I want this and I want that and thinking that he'll provide that thing no matter what). Of course I fumbled over my words and mumbled something like I think we should rely on God's will instead telling God what we want and expecting exactly what we ask for. I don't know. This is a discussion that's been coming up a lot in conversations lately. I mean, we should pray expectantly, but within God's will, but what does that even mean? You know what I mean? My mind gets all tripped up on the specifics, and maybe I'm making it too hard. I know, I don't agree with Rondell. The funny thing is that last night I was reading James including Chapter 4:13 which states:

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit" --yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."

So, I mean Scipture is clear. There's also Proverbs 16:9 which states, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." And! In my Paul class I remember talking about when Paul desires to go to a certain province or city, and for the life of me I can't remember where this is, but the Spirit of the Lord stops him. So despite our plans or desires God will reconcile our steps to his plan. Right? I think that relates to the fact that I keep telling people, including my parents, that unless God puts a big foot down and says, "No!" then I'm going to Louisville. I've been desiring to be there for over two years. It's funny to look back over my journals and see that there. Sometimes, I know that my own desires are decieving, but I have faith that what God wants will be accomplished. He is God, after all.

Man, I think I just over-blogged. When I get started, sometimes it's hard to stop because my mind goes in all these frenzied directions.

Okay, so a few more things about Rondell. He and his wife are both Mormon and so that made for some intersting insights as well. He insisted that I take a copy of the Book of Mormon and he also gave me some of the church's fliers. I told him that I'd take it, but that I might want to ask him questions later. He seemed excited. I also asked if it was okay to ask him about inconsistencies that I find between that book and the Bible. He said he'd love to talk about it. Again, Sarah, I might need your help. He claimed that the Bible and the Book of Mormon are congruent and rely on each other and that we can better understand the Gospel through the Book of Mormon. I don't agree with that. It was a very interesting conversation. Hummm.

Also I had a brief discourse on Hinduism/Buddhism/Christianity in my creative writing class yesterday. Stuff is happenin' everywhere and my mind's feeling a little crazy. I keep reminding myself that it's not about what I have to say, but about how God can work and and soften people's hearts through me. I want people to know Christ. Really. It's exciting.

I need to write a resume tonight. I'm avoiding the inevitable.


I'm falling in love with Tegan and Sara's album The Con all over again and some of the Silversun Pickups' songs.

Others I've enjoyed as of late:

an old one, Radiohead-"Fake Plastic Trees"
and a new one, Bonny "Prince" Billy--"The World's Greatest"
also Rufus Wainwright

So long, Lace. Really you must, restrain yourself.